Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't decide whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie.

   They say that if a guy has big feet it means that he has a big pen!s. That just makes the thought of being raped by clowns even scarier.

   Bama VS LSU.......Up for Bama..........Down for LSU

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.

   Duct tape and bungee cords on someone's car says "watch out, I definitely don't have any insurance"

   Teacher: "Why are you late? Student: "I'm late?" Teacher: "You just missed an entire period" Student: "Are you telling me I'm pregnant?"

   What I expect to see when I pull back the shower curtain: 99% Murderer waiting to kill me. 1% Empty shower

   Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick: "No, It's too dark."

   hearing sirens.... They're must be a new batch at dunkin donuts

   Ambulances & Fire Trucks would be more effective if they played "Move B*ich Get Out The Way" by Ludacris instead of a siren!

   Well, I'd like to help… but not as much as I'd like not to

   Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe... behind a tree... at night..in the rain

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________

   i try not to act suspicious when passing police even though I'm innocent O.o

   "Don't Be Smart With Me!".... Okay Mom,.... i'll just be dumb. Sounds great

   Lost your pen = no pen. No pen = no notes. No notes = no study. No study = fail. Fail = no diploma. So NEVER, EVER lose your pen

   That depressing moment when your parents don't appreciate the hilarious child they have been blessed with :P

   You can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want..." -Peter Griffin

   Spongebob: hey can I talk with you for a second? Squidward: I dont know thats a pretty long time