Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you got a problem face it, don't Facebook it!
←Rate | 10-26-2011 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last week a German satellite fell from the sky, but fortunately they warned everyone ahead of time so France would not surrender.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend insists on buying tuna in water. "It's healthier then the tuna in oil!" Then we get home and she puts a gallon of mayonnaise in it.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 07:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon ♫ Good Morning USA, I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day. ♫
←Rate | 10-26-2011 07:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and currently looking over my shoulder
←Rate | 10-26-2011 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Futurist, writer, strategist, social media guru, comedian, consultant, entrepreneur, horny. One out of the seven is true about me.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never be mature enough to hear the term “natural gas” and not giggle a little.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many calories a women burns trying to avoid sex?
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:19 by the Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man it boggles the mind why some retards even educated ones for that matter still continue to buy into these bogus faith healers' cons. People need to accept that healing ended with Jesus and everyone else is just a con-artist who should be arrested.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 02:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook should make it possible for us to respond to a 'poke' with a 'slap'
←Rate | 10-26-2011 02:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im dressing as an endangered species for Halloween...a US worker
←Rate | 10-26-2011 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a BAD GIRL with good INTENTIONS
←Rate | 10-26-2011 02:38 by @kraziedavid909 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 01:55 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe its just me but The 'poke' button on Facebook should be replaced with a 'slap' button.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once I'm finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 00:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Banana peel, coffee grains, pizza crust, beer bottles, empty tins, paper plates, sales papers. Don't mind me I'm just talking trash.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 00:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to pretend that the girls who do the "duck face" in pics can beatbox real good
←Rate | 10-25-2011 23:34 by @BoyGotJokes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being lonely, I don't sit at reserved tables. I like the furniture to be friendly and outgoing.
←Rate | 10-25-2011 22:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon for a good time call....Jenny....867-5309
←Rate | 10-25-2011 22:17 Comments (0)  




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