Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

   down in the dumps...no really, this trash is deep...

   Having to poop after a shower is basically your body's way of pranking you.

   Say no to commercialized enterprise Christianity.

   The truth hurts. So if it's hurtful it must have some element of truth to it.

   If you're always honest you will never feel stupid.

   Always remember "You can't save these Hoes, That's Jesus job."

   Ladies: Always remember, Boys may come and go, but a man will stay.

   I wish exams came with a "50/50" and a "phone a friend" option.

   She fell in love with the person that I was back then. Why does she try so hard to change me into what suits her...it only drives me away.

   ‎"im thankful the idiot with the gun was too drunk to aim "---living turkey

   Ooook-lahoma, where the Earthquake comes sweepin' down the plain And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet When the Tornado's come right behind the rain.!

   ....... In suppoert of the Ocupy Wall Street movement ... I withdrew 20 bucks from my bank and bought a burger, fries, and went to a movie!! .. Take that you evil corporations!!

   Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality......which would explain Edward.....

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   Sometimes you just wanna get hit by a car and sometimes you just want to be the one driving and hit someone else.

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies

   It would be funny to make your facebook status "OMG IT ACTUALLY WORKS" and then 5 minutes later make another facebook status that says "Well, I'm gonna test out this time machine",

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies..

   The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"