Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4326 of 6397
If I ever get as excited about the McRib as the people in the commercials do....SLAP ME!
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10-28-2011 17:22 by K-Mac
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Ok, Time to play word scrabble. "PNEIS"! Did you get spine? Like hell you did, you pervert
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10-28-2011 16:56 by Muzammil
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Beer $10. Weed $20. Condoms. $2.75. Finding out she swallows & has no gag reflex....Priceless!!!! F*** MasterCard, it pays to Discover
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10-28-2011 16:05
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It's annoying when girls take pictures in glasses and they're like "I'm a nerd". Like shut up you're not a nerd you're just a slut with glasses on.
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10-28-2011 15:56 by g0re
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Awesome idea: On Halloween, order a pizza to get delivered to your house When the delivery guy gets there, pretend you think he's a trick or treater and comment on how he looks like a real delivery person. Give him candy.
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10-28-2011 15:47 by g0re
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so you need at least 4 characters and a Capital to make a password. I hope I remember DonaldDuckMickeyMouseMineyMouseGoofyParis to log onto my emails!
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10-28-2011 15:19
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"Bromance" should be a relationship status on facebook.
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10-28-2011 15:17 by g0re
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I dont hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.
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10-28-2011 15:16 by g0re
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Dear Girls: No need to wear a costumy for Halloween. Just remove the make up and go to the party!
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10-28-2011 13:55
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The only candy I'm interested in tonight swings from a pole and has daddy issues
if it were black girls the show would be called 12 and pregnant.
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10-28-2011 13:27
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I had my mom get me some condoms once. I told her I used them to keep my cigarettes dry at the beach. She went to the pharmacist and asked for some. Wise guy asked, "What size?" She said, You know, for a camel!"
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10-28-2011 13:14 by Mick F
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Q: why do military men wear uniforms at their weddings??.... A: to be prepared for "The Battle" afterwords...
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10-28-2011 12:14
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I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just laid there lifeless so I decided to boink her one last time. Then all of a sudden she jumped up and shouted 'BOO!' I swear some people are just sick in the head!
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10-28-2011 11:35
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read McDonald's McRib sales are leading the charge for rebuilding the American economy. Sliding in second: toilet paper.
wants to point out that it's not my fault that I never could learn to accept responsibility.
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10-28-2011 11:02 by markf
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confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
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10-28-2011 10:58 by markf
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I've reached that time of day on a Friday afternoon when I know I'm not going to get anything worthwhile done so the only solution is to not even bother
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10-28-2011 10:25 by nb
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So many people wanting to cuddle because its cold now. Does nobody else cuddle year around?
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10-28-2011 10:16
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I swear these automatic toilets are about as premature as a teenage boy, one little move and they are done.
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10-28-2011 10:00
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