Funny Status Messages

   In alcohol’s defense, I've done some pretty dumb shít while completely sober too.

   If I weren’t so angry I would feel horrible for all the bIack Iives so weak of mind and spirit that they let a bunch of old, white politicians tell them they aren’t good enough to be productive members of society.

   With our election choices, I now know how hard it is to be a gold digger!

   I love to change the world but I don't know what to do, so I leave it up to you to wear a mask. Ten Years After,

   Anybody else having a problem with theit Good Year tires pulling hard to the left???

   Spoiler alert. It's sour cream

   .. To make sure they will arrive on time, I'm mailing my Christmas cards now.

   If men are stronger than women, why do men in Video Games need full plate armor and a woman only needs a chainmail bikini?

   I want to find a woman that speaks in Cliff Notes.

   If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me...

   Clear something up for us, Cardi B. Is it your @ss or your pu$$y that's wet?

   USPS: Never mail cash or valuables. Dems: The USPS is safe and secure.

   Why does sour cream have an expiry date?

   I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again

   Betcha Slick Willie Brown has Kamala nude pics on cell phone

   I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.

   I didn't hit you... I high fived your face

   If Kamala is such a ho, why can't I find any nude pics of her on the internet, unlike a certain someone I know?

   "How about a scarf?" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day!

   Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...