BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.

   Cool things always happen when I don't have a camera.

   All my friends are getting jobs, engaged, or married. I'm just getting more awesome.

   The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience.

   If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.

   11 year olds today: "Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!" Me when I was 11: "I can't wait to go home and play Club Penguin!

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty bit$hes.

   I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.

   British accent: Justin Biebah. American: Justin Biebur. Australian: Jastin Beybah. You just tried out all of the accents, didnt you?

   Voicemail should be renamed “messages from people over 40″

   If swimming would just add one shark, I would watch it more than football.

   Dear God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.

   That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side.

   Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.

   Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.

   Dear eyelashes, wish bones, dandelions, pennies in fountains, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. YOU FAILED.

   call me a weasel, a coward or a jerk but whenever I am feelin smothered, manipulated, controlled, used, trapped or suffocating in a relationship I always bail out.

   If you're 13 & under & have a Facebook, that's cheating. You gotta start from Myspace —-> Twitter —-> Facebook. Just like everybody else.

   Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!

   America, a country where people spend half of their money on food, and the other half on losing weight.