Aaron Funny Status Messages

   out cow died so we don't need your bull

   A Chicken Sandwich walks into a bar, and orders some food & beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

   For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have received further instructions on where to go and what to do.

   If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

   earns a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

   On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.

   Today is . . . the tomorrow you thought about yesterday.

   Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?

   There is a great need for sarcasm font

   I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

   Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

   If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

   I can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

   has the brains of a horse and is hung like Einstein.

   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

   You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."

   I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

   I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.

   I couldn't reach my oil filter... so I took out the entire engine.