Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Woman's Tongue & Man's eye, 'rest' only when they die..

   Things were happening around us, but nothing was happening between us.

   The next time the hostess asks you "Would you like a table?", you should respond "No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

   Sometimes its better to forget about making people happy and just do what YOU really want to do.

   Girls spend too much time trying to look nice and not enough time trying to act nice.

   The next time the hostess asks you respond "No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."

   Bullying is absolutely disgusting. If you see it, stand up for the person being bullied. If it happens to you, don't be afraid to tell someone and ask for help. Keep the word going people.

   Sometimes you sit in class and listen to the conversations around you and realize you are the smartest person in the room.

   no, NO, you don't need to apply for a Target credit card in the 10 items or less lane.

   The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives

   why did the chicken cross the road? To show POSSUM's that it can be done!!

   why did the chicken cross the road? "to get to your house"..knock knock..who is there? "the chicken"

   You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet

   Nothing like a mug full of caffeine and self-hatred topped with an overwhelming amount of regret to start your day.

   Soooo.... Justin Beiber is pregnant. That's gotta be hard for a 13 year old to go through..

   i hear bieber is expecting a kid...i wonder when justin's due date is

   If sex between 3 people is called 3some, between two people is called twosome. why is Handsome still a compliment?

   I <3 it when I come home & my dog does the happy dance, looks more like the lambada but wutever....

   Love starts with "You are different" & ends with "you are all the same"

   No one ever gets tired of loving. They just get tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.