Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sorry But I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

   RUMORS are carried by HATERS, spread by FOOLS and accepted by IDIOTS.

   So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how cool is that for someone her age?

   I bet you're naked under those clothes... You slut

   Just overheard this kid confess to smoking weed out of his trumpet. Band practice must be fun.

   Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of 'nothing,'

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   Kids in math problems have way too much time on their hands. Like seriously Avi? You're going to calculate the angle at which you need to ride your bike to get to Market Street? Get a girlfriend or something.

   I'm placing myself in "time-out" until I'm able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!

   just came back from a pleasure trip....itook my mother in-law to the airport!

   When you hear a lot of men yelling at the top of their lungs....you know the game is on.

   Respect your parents. They made it through high school without google or wikipedia.

   My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY,& TTYL means? I answered: I don't know, love u, talk to you later. Mother: Ok I'll ask your sister

   my kids enjoy the free cardboard box and balloons the most

   Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you're in the way.

   If you're texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual. :)

   I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at WORK.!!!

   There are two things why we don't trust people. FIRST: We don't know them. SECOND: We know them.

   Dear parents: Oh really? I'm a liar? What about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus? Sincerely, your child.

   How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I'll let you know if we can be friends.