Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   why dont gas stations have black friday specials

   Note to self: Try not to run out of TP the day after thankgiving....Now I'm gonna need a 40 ounce beer and a few "disco biscuits" to deal with all these "Black Friday" freaks!

   When the police car has its lights and sirens on it means the cop wants to race, right?

   Today I'm thankful for Call of Duty, saving young girls virginity and ruining marriages since 2003.

   Today in Germany millions of turkeys are giving thanks for being German turkeys

   I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there's one."

   Teenage girls: stop making the duck face in all your photos. I don't know who told you it was attractive cause it isn't. You look quite stupid and immature, not to mention ugly. Mostly stupid. Real stupid.

   I hate it when Facebook doesn't trust me while sending friend request.

   It doesn't matter how old you are, if a balloon is about to hit the floor, you dive for that s**t!

   Black Friday...the day when normal people turn into zombies armed with shopping carts.

   If you were to combine all the holidays, you'd eat turkey, give presents, hide eggs, light fireworks, and dress like a sIutty nurse all in the same day.

   I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn't.

   While your looking for deals this black Friday....I'll be at your house finding a better deal

   watching the charlie brown special...i think peppermint patty & marci are thankful for each other

   Thanksgiving's the sexy holiday, right? No? Am I allowed to make it sexy?

   Be thankful for everything you have. There is always somebody out there that is less fortunate then you. Hope everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

   I wish I hadn't watch the "Deadly Women" marathon on the I.D. channel before Thankgiving dinner....The meal is a little harder to enjoy when your inspecting the turkey for aresenic!

   we stuff the turkey but in the end the turkey stuffs us

   The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, “I don't need a pardon. I need a job.

   Turkeys don't think Thanksgiving is very funny.