Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Rotisserie Chicken..a morbid Ferris-wheel for chicken...spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water...That's right… I LIKE MY CHICKEN DIZZY!!!

   HEADLINE: "American stranded in Ukraine in online dating scam" - I am just glad I have never needed a date this bad.

   Hey....Admit it, everyone has a little bit of racism in them. When you do laundry, I bet you all separate the colored from the whites......

   Another way for a guy to confess his virginity to a woman is to tell her he follows Justin Bieber on Twitter.

   Everyone wants to be Black but no one wants Black problems.

   The Pill, the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   When I am sad, I think of you- I then realize that my life is still better then yours.

   A Real Boyfriend will make sure he wears protection when Cheating.

   You know you are a complete loser when you are doing hard time for shoplifting in the dollar store.

   S W A G – [S]omething [W]e [A]$$holes [G]ot.

   Broke chicks always know exactly what kind of Men they want BUT never know what kind of Man DON'T want their destitute a$$!

   Shout out to all the fat people that are hungry for success.

   Damn girl..you look like you know how to have a good time...at a buffet.

   Women don't trust Men, not because they cheat but because they know how scandalous and shady other Women are!

   I wish you could pick a brand of car, and every few years you'd get an upgrade. Like with phones.

   Sometimes I read status updates on Facebook and wonder “How am I friends with them?”

   Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E., (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, (E)verything's wrong.

   Hell hath no fury like a Poptart that hasn't had time to properly cool off.

   As cold as it is outside, today might be a good day to double-up on my underwear.

   All TVs should come with a brick to throw at it when the Wendy Williams show comes on