Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm not saying this plane is small & rickety but I'm pretty sure the crossword puzzle was filled out by the Big Bopper.

   I am not sarcastic – I am hilarious. I am not annoying – I am just cooler than you. I am not a jerk – I just don't like you.

   Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.

   I will be thankful if whoever came up with this retarded "thankful" movement on facebook gets hit by a bus.

   looks like we have a 7-year old on the loose today posting all kinds of outdated and b0ring sh!t.

   You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

   I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

   Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

   You remind me of my chinese friend... Ugg-lee

   She got her looks from her mother.....she was a plastic surgeon

   Okay, enough already! We get it, you like to post music from you tube of your favorite band. But that doesn't mean every song!!

   Has that kid in the Dreamworks logo even caught a single fish yet?

   Facebook is great for reminding me why I lost touch with certain people in the first place.

   Getting a lot of nice things said to me lately. I don't believe a word of it.

   If wishes were kisses we'd all have mono. well, until someone wished they didn't....where was I going with this?

   Tonight has been brought to you by WTF?

   Guy at coffee shop just asked for a "croissant" like he's totally a French person. It's like, calm down, dude.

   Blackberry's r like girls, they only work when you touch d right button! iPhones are like men,...1 Touch anywhere & they respond...!! :) :D

   The "Reply All" button should be password protected.

   never play a player, because you wont see you've lost till suddenly you've lost everything