Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Will someone please put this below ret*rd out of his misery. No one should be allowed to be this stupid.

   Dear Tummy, do I have tell you separately.its a lockdown. Stay in

   3 wks in lockdown widout sugar n aerated drinks.no dairy, bakery items or caffeine! I feel great! No alcohol, fried items 2 hr home workout everyday. Lost 14 Kgs & gained muscle mass!! no idea whose status this was but I decided to copy

   Does anyone fancy breaking the curfew and coming out for a few drinks on Boxing Day?

   Two new ice cream flavors. Chocolate Chip Happens, and Stay The Fudge Home

   The only change in my life is tha I'm consuming more food than before because nothings here to stop me

   Good news. Jesus has risen. Bad news. He will need to be quarantined for 14 days

   * Well it's April and it didn't miraculously go away like he said it would.

   In these trying days of isolation please remember Deodorant is not Optional.

   If only he took the Coronavirus as serious as he did with windmill cancer.

   His haters would rather see people die than ever let him have a victory or give him any credit.

   Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.

   Shout out to all my homebodies.

   Having some states lockdown, and some states not lockdown is like having a peeing section in the pool.

   Can't believe it's only been a month we've been self quarantining is it feels more like I've been doing it since like 1979

   I've been single for so long someone asked me who I was with. I said AT&T.

   It started with a Bat. Then toilet paper. Now we are going nuts in quarantine. We really have gone Bat $#!t Crazy!

   Below is a great example of Limey humor and why it's relegated to only PBS stations here in the states.

   I’m papering walls in the loo, And quite frankly I haven’t a clue. For the pattern’s all wrong, Or the paper’s too long, And I’m stuck to the toilet with glue.

   Married people be like: [Quarantine, day 10] It’s been 89 days since I last had sex