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Day 22 of quarantine and I’ve turned my living room into a nudist colony. The kids hate it but I’ve finally obtained some privacy
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04-14-2020 09:13
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Well well well…if it isn’t the clothes I left in dryer last Sunday.
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04-14-2020 09:13
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This app would like to use your location. It also wants you to mow the lawn and call your parents more often.
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04-14-2020 08:51
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me: [yawning] might get dressed today coworkers in zoom meeting: please do
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04-14-2020 08:50
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I've been staring at my ceiling fan thinking if it could hold my weight, this quarantine thing would be way more enjoyable.
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04-14-2020 07:42 by
Fazz
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1st Cannibal: Should I boil this missionary? 2nd Cannibal: Don’t be silly – that’s a friar!
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04-14-2020 06:35
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when giving your wife a massage know that there is never a right time to stop. 10 minutes? Don’t think so buddy. 1 hour? Keep going. 7 hours. I want more. The sun enveloping the Earth after a billion years? Now do my shoulders
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04-14-2020 06:32
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[Considering whether a recipe is easy enough to attempt] Recipe: First, finely chop— Me: I’m out.
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04-14-2020 06:31
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I went deep sea fishing once and caught what I thought was a marlin, but was actually a catfish with a party hat glued to its face.
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04-14-2020 06:30
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No quarantine has all five: – ur partner – balcony / garden – pasta – quiet neighbours – hi speed wifi
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04-14-2020 06:30
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2000: I don’t want no scrubs 2020: I’m actually gonna need all those scrubs.
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04-14-2020 06:30
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Covid-19 Log -4/14/20: Shaved my shoulders.
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04-14-2020 03:58
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If it's good news, I'm taking all the credit. If it's bad news, I'm blaming others.
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04-13-2020 23:54
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* Like rainy days and mondays he always gets me down.
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04-13-2020 23:27
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Dems win the supreme court's seat in Wisconsin.
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04-13-2020 22:00
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This is the first time in my life that am seeing a month without a weekend, everyday is everyday
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04-13-2020 18:13
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Babysitter rates going up when this things over!
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04-13-2020 18:03 by
Nixon
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Quarantine tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any
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04-13-2020 14:53 by
Rickster
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“Say hello to my little friend” isn’t threatening. Why would someone be afraid of anyone with their “little friend” hanging out?
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04-13-2020 14:22
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Clothing donations and new purchases are going thru the roof when all this is over!!
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04-13-2020 14:03
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