Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...

   "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image

   I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.

   Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   "Welcome To The Jingle" ~ Bells

   If you're really going to make me choose sides I guess I'll go with fries and a coke.

   D.N.A actually stands for National Dyslexic Association

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   All those years of phone sex has caught up with my grandfather. He has hearing AIDS

   Delta: Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

   Tampax will discontinue tampons with strings on them, it appears that midgets have been stepping on the string.

   we spend the money we don't have, to buy the things we don't need, to impress the people we don't like.

   How you get sleepy after crying, It's like your mind is telling you, “you've suffered enough, it's time to shut down for a bit.”

   The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.

   Hate it when insurance companies sends the settlement with my name mispelled and right address..

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'