Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kim "Chinky Chang Small Wang Jong" is dead :D

   Night night Kim Jong Il you little Chinky B*stard

   Never apologize for expressing how you feel, Its like saying you're sorry for being real

   Decided this year I'm replacing the milk and cookies tradition with manly reach around. Just to see if that would get SANTA'S attention.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean,, now a dell is rolling in the deep.

   How was it possible that the three bears had porridge all at different temperatures? Someone is lying.

   It's so annoying when I'm about to take a great photo and somebody calls my camera.

   All of the food in my fridge is on my to-poo list.

   You know why cowboys wear big buckles? It's a tombstone for a dead prick !

   Theres no manly way to say.. "Honey can you pass me my Girl Scout Cookies?"

   I went to google and type in "let it snow" and snow started falling. So I typed "let it rain" and the strippers started falling to the floor.

   I am sad to report, that counting down very quickly does NOT speed up the microwave.

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..

   You know you back in Miami, when You pull up to a light and a Bum throws a quarter at you.

   i guess its getting time to do my christmas shopping,i will go to the dollar store for my big gifts and from there I will come back home and see if I can find somethings around the house that they havn't seen in awhile.

   I just bought Monopoly, 2011 special edition. It's really not fun to play. The banker always wins.

   so much for the discount double check aaron rogers

   For xmas my wife is getting SWIFFA so she can have fun while cleaning too.!!!

   With the weather being the way it is, the only way you could have a white Christmas is if Santa brought you cocaine.

   That education connection girl couldn't have graduated because she is still in low budget commercials.