Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4161 of 6394
The hardcore way to eat ramen: 1) Boil water 2) Eat block of ramen 3) Drink boiled water 4) Snort flavored powder 5) Fu*k B!tches.
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12-08-2011 20:38 by g0re
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"I'd choose a lazy person to do the hardest job, because they'll surely find an easy way to do it" -Bill Gates proud to be lazy anyone?
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12-08-2011 20:09
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1600's: "Oh Dearest Romeo, I write to inform you I have received your letter and I've been left quite speechless" 2011: " K "
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12-08-2011 19:40 by g0re
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Your such a slut. The only reason you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.
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12-08-2011 19:31 by g0re
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I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.
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12-08-2011 19:15 by Aaron
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To honor John Lennon's death, Newt Gingrich suggests hiring children from poor neighborhoods to clean Yoko's bathrooms.
Someday, anthropologists will look back at these "mirror self-portraits" and refer to this time as the Bathroom Era.
If money's tight this holiday season, a handmade card or gift is a lovely way to say, "Here's a present you won't like."
Do you realize that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes." and a guy's " I'll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
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12-08-2011 17:57
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It's so cold out, my nipples got to work 5 minutes before I did. Brrr...
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12-08-2011 16:50 by bdog987
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I see all these women outside in short skirts. If they don't catch frostbite, they'll definitely catch an STD
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12-08-2011 16:37 by Yaj
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Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths
Even ugly babies are still kinda cute.
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12-08-2011 14:39
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Safer to let my kids walk in Compton then let them go to VA Tech!
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12-08-2011 14:29 by zman87
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Theres no way in hell I'm ever buying my child a Elmo doll...I'm still having nightmares from having one as a child!
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12-08-2011 14:28 by Seanathon
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The "J" in my neighbors joy sign burned out. A multi-faith family perhaps?
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12-08-2011 14:17
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Albert Pujols $250M baseball contract is totally unfair. He should give some of those $ to players who aren't nearly as good. WTF, we should occupy his house.......
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12-08-2011 13:44 by sully
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Friends are like a string of Christmas lights. Some are broke, some are burned out, others just don't work for you, a few aren't the brightest, some even need you to untangle the mess they are in..but most of them shine brightest when your day is darkest.
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12-08-2011 13:16 by lkl627
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Who else thinks their ringtone is the best, but when you're in public and it rings, it's the most embarrassing moment of your life?
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12-08-2011 11:13 by fadolo
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took you to dinner,a movie,then for drinks,get back to your house then tell me you have your period (・_・)ノ”(ノ_<)
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12-08-2011 11:12 by fadolo
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