Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   HER: "You are like my umbrella" HIM: "Because I protect you?" HER: "No, because you don't get me wet."

   It saddens me to think about all the deserving people who will go without a b!tch slap today.

   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river

   Let's call it erection day, since all we're doing is voting for a bunch of d!cks.

   You win man.....your b!tch is bad....and so is her credit.

   B!tch please! The only reason I sent you a friend request is because I want to see for myself if you are as slutty as your profile pic insinuate.

   2 Wise Advises : 1.) Never laugh at your wife's choice,you are one of them..... 2.) Never be proud of your choice,Your wife is one of them.........

   Religion is 'for those who are weak minded'

   The friend zone is kind of like the kiss of death

   Chris Brown and I have a completely opposite understanding of the phrase, "I'd hit that!"

   It seems there are more men who know how to harm a girl than those who know how to charm a girl.

   If you can steal her heart... Try not to let her know that you did it... A good thief will never leave a trace of the crime...

   Bad credit but still has money = Black Jew

   I have to get out of the car... but I like this song.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.

   Steal her heart not just once, but each and every day of her life!

   Im alittle experimental tonight and I tell ya, I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   2012....I'm leaving some people in 2011

   They always seem to want you back the minute they see you being happy with someone else.

   To any girl who calls herself a Barbie: FYI, real men don't play with barbies.