Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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froget the world ending in 2012 , my inspection sticker ends in 2012!! 
Don't worry there are plenty other fish in the sea. None as attractive as the one that just dumped you but plenty other fish!
my 2012 new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
That Sinking Feeling: Facebook has worked very hard at making its new Timeline Profiles look like MySpace.
Those awkward car rides with people you barely know.
The reviews are in... And Yes, I am awesome
Since the world is going to end next December instead of saying happy new year, I'm going to say happy last year!
Rihanna says chains and whips excite her, I doubt her ancestors felt the same way.
Just found pebbles stuck in my pond filter. Fred and Wilma are going to be devastated.
its funny how people say they gonna change and its a new year shut the hell up you gonna be the same person just a diff year
Its New Years... I just dont understand why people feel the need that they have to go out and get sh!tfaced and not remember ringing in the New Year..Well I guess I should finish these beers and get back to work. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Seasons Beatings from your local Dominatrix office.
If you don't have any children, charce's are you won't have any grandchildren.
Waxing every inch of male body hair is still more masculine than saying the word 'Man-scaping.'
My new year's resolution is to improve my powers of concentra......... oh look a squirrel
He who breaks a New Year's resolution is a weakling and he who makes one is a fool.
When love wants to speak, reason must shut the hell up.
Why is everyone so worried about the Mayans Calendar??? I just realized my Hannah Montana Calendar ends in 13 hours!!!!
Here's a drinking game for you; take a drink every time someone posts "happy new year" on your Facebook. Make sure you aren't driving after this game because you will likely have too many friends stating the obvious.
Lazy rule #526272828000: I take short cuts that are longer than the long cuts just because I think they are shorter 