Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.

   Bob Barker turned 88 this week , what did he get for his birthday? " A NEW CAR !!!"

   The best way to get high for free is to tell potheads you've never smoked before.

   A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

   I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?

   Im 98% black the other 2% is milk.

   I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.

   "im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"

   Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.

   Shutting the door to force your pet into spending time with you.

   The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...

   "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image

   I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.

   Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   "Welcome To The Jingle" ~ Bells

   If you're really going to make me choose sides I guess I'll go with fries and a coke.