Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I get angry, I calm myself down by repeating these 5 words over and over again, “Bartender, Give Me A Double”

   Google+ is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It doesn't know it's dead yet.

   A gynaecologist is the only fool on earth who looks for problems in a place where others find pleasure.

   Laughter is the best medicine. But laugh for no reason and you need medicine.

   If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

   You're not an alcoholic; you're a soberphobic.

   A friend in need is a friend who's going straight to voicemail.

   Keep your woman close and your cell phone closer!

   Did you know, if on a full moon if you light a candle and say the name of someone you love 3 times, you'll look stupid doing that?

   You don't have a drinking problem; people without arms have a drinking problem.

   Women go shopping at the mall, Men go shopping on Facebook.

   Last time I checked, my name wasn't in the dictionary. Therefore, I can't be defined.

   I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.

   To all guys who say they don't understand women: You don't have to understand how a TV works to enjoy watching it, do you?

   Your lack of a Facebook Photo makes some wonder if you are shy, a wanted criminal or just intensely unattractive.

   Dear old love: I used to fantasize about you dying so that I could be single again. I'm so glad I decided to leave you instead of waiting for you to die.

   I've been told by several women that I'm a great listener. A majority of whom, have huge boobs.

   A salesman hugs a girl. GIRL: What the hell is this? SALESMAN: It is direct marketing. GIRL: *slaps him* SALESMAN: What was that? GIRL: A customer's feedback!

   Don't do drugs; they can mess up your finances. You can save some money and get the same effect from just standing up really fast.

   There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, i'm stuck here just holding my rod