Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Uh oh. Wikipedia is going black that means it's never coming back.

SOPA: Stop Oversighting Public Activity!
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01-18-2012 11:14
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If someone says they "rescued" a dog, immediately kidnap it so they can perform another heroic rescue, since they're into that.

A lady working at our bank walks with the cutest limp ever. I often fantasize about her naked, walking in a big counter clockwise circle.

Facebook is STILL insisting that I might know Fred Savage. What- do they think I'm a goddamn superhero or something?!

Limbo, Gluttony, Greed, Anger, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, Treachery - The eight circles of hell when visiting a Walmart. Lust is at Best Buy.

Wait, it's "let it go"? I thought it was, "If you love something, drop it off a building." Boy, have I been doing that wrong.

I feel better now that I have my Facebook friends ranked in descending order of who I'd eat in the event of a food shortage.

I can't grow sideburns but hope to one day have ear-hair that's long enough for a combover.

I'm not just great in bed. I'm great other places, too.

"Vagisil Wash" is regular soap marketed to really really insecure women.

When the fake-thunder sound effect goes off in the produce section, I know it's time to urinate on the lettuce.

It's difficult for me to knock Scientology because most of the lies I've told for money were far more insane.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.
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01-18-2012 10:52 by flinnie
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The Bermuda Triangle has been quiet lately. Too quiet.
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01-18-2012 10:39 by flinnie
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You can call me many things but never, ever call me a 'scofflaw'. It's a stupid word.
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01-18-2012 10:39 by flinnie
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My advice is to make money the old fashioned way (by intercepting Spanish galleons transporting gold from the New World).
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01-18-2012 10:36 by flinnie
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Ordered a plunger and a snare drum on Amazon so next time you order one and it recommends the other, thank me
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01-18-2012 10:32 by flinnie
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its been so windy lately, I think mother nature ate some bad Taco Bell.
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01-18-2012 10:30 by L
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