Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If SOPA really goes down.... I might murder a government official, armed only with an empty iPod and ear phones...

   Blowing inside cartridges was considered "Loading" back in my early years of gaming.

   5 guys for lunch ...the burger place, you sickos

   The captain of the Costa Concordia is maintaining he only abandoned ship before the passengers because he tripped and fell in to a life boat. I find this very feasible as I once accidently tripped and my pen!s fell in to my wife's sister.

   if I had a penny that fell from above everytime I fell in love...i'll be rolling in my money, everyday would be sunny and i'll be looking forward to my next break up

   Attention Club Lonely... Keep posting those deep, philosophical, pseudo, life enriching quotes on your profiles. It tells the opposite sex what a day at the amusement park you are.

   Three weeks into 2012. Now don't some of you feel silly for actually believing things were going to get better simply because we pinned a new calendar on the wall?

   You've gotta admit, cuddling with a giant panda would ALMOST be worth getting your face ripped off.

   i tell ya... Its been one hell of a start for 2012...

   I emailed my congressman about SOPA and PIPA. I have no doubt that the government will not care though. . . To prove it, I got an auto reply so they will not read it.

   Am I an a55hole because the cruise ship thing doesn't seem like a big deal? I mean, there's some rocks RIGHT THERE!

   I'm so old, I grew up in an era where your 3D was a View Masters and you sit in the living room clickin about 15 slides. There's your Movie in HD and 3D!!!

   How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Pitbull, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat.

   So Paula Deen has come out and said she has diabetes. All I need now is the Man vs. Food guy to have an acute myocardial infarction and the bizarre food guy to die of food poisoning and I win my “professional eating disorders” trifecta wager.

   I'm assuming everyone else also spent the whole day stockpiling downloaded porn to their computer too; just in case SOPA passes, right guys?

   I love American Idol. Except for the judges, the singers, and Ryan Seacrest.

   I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 8 or 9 times, just to be sure.

   My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

   I was thinkin,,,The obituaries section in the newspaper would be more interesting if they told you how the person died.

   My sofa loves playing hide n' seek with the remotes, clever ba$tard always wins too.