Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pushing the elevator button repeatedly doesn't make the elevator go faster.....you do realize that right.....?

   Interesting....Nearly all religions support love....but cause the most wars.

   Watching golf is like watching paint dry....

   One day, we will all live in the future.

   LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.

   blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

   Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No" And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and...

   Big girls don't cry. (They eat)

   homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.

   Don't do drugs; they can mess up your finances. You can save some money and get the same effect from just standing up really fast.

   declaring 2012 is the year of the Honey Badger! Google  "Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger"

   Whoever '' Shawty'' is , she apparently has alot of rapper boyfriends.

   There's plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, i'm stuck here just holding my rod

   I have Started a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there

   I'm so poor I rub cologne from magazines on my shirt .. And when they say "Oh you smell good, what is that?" I say "Page 5"

   I don't want a sky full of lighters! I just want the one that fell under my driver's seat!

   experiment...try a no gossip rule...see how long it is before they run out of things to talk about...

   Well I guess all the gyms are heading into their busy season for the next four to five weeks !

   Who needs a Psychic when we have Google. You have your answer before you are done typing the question...

   Mayan Calendar Predicts Doomsday in 2012. Well, at least if the world ends this year, we won't have to hear any more about the Kardashian's