bego Funny Status Messages

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   I don't have a problem with idiots… I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection.

   Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is retarded. Every time you sharpen it: "Cool to Do Drugs" "Do Drugs" and "Drugs"

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.

   I wish I had Kim Kardashian's talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.

   The woman who invented the phrase "All guys are the same" was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

   Be with someone you hide nothing from.

   The Best feeling ever: Waking up and seeing you still have a couple hours to sleep.

   My middle finger gets horny every time it sees you.

   I'm so tired of wanting the people who don't want me.

   I should be noticed as a hero, I save lives EVERY DAY...because there are people who need to be shot and I don't shoot them.

   A thief broke into my house last night searching for 'Money' .... So I woke up and started searching with him

   Hey girl, how about you dont tell me how much beer I should drink, and I wont tell you how much makeup you should wear.

   To be honest, I really don't give a damn. I lose friends, I make friends, and I make enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to be me.

   Hoes looking for attention… Haters looking for a mention… Welcome to Facebook.

   The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing

   Apparently the “stop” button on Internet Explorer means “stop and also show me a blank useless screen regardless of what is visible when I press this button”

   Dear 'K", Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, Got nothing to say.

   Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.

   A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood...