Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...

   Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.

   Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

   How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.

   My hamster died today He fell asleep at the wheel.

   reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

   Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead.

   I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standard

   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.