Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Wanna know how I can tell you grew up in the 90's? Because you wont shut the hell up about growing up in the 90's.

   There comes a time in the day when no matter what the question the answer is booze.

   How come people that should never be allowed to reproduce have the most kids?

   This orange juice tastes weird without vodka.

   (Q): What is the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife. (A): Prepaid, post paid and unlimited plan.

   I'm like a newborn baby when I wake up with a hangover. Unaware of my surroundings, sensitive to light and covered in God knows what.

   If you're going to be alive, you might as well be incredible.

   They should make a matchmaking site for single socks.

   If your breath isn't flammable, you're not an alcoholic.

   My iPhone just auto-corrected "I will be home shortly" to "I wish I was single"

   "We have a history" = "we used to have sex"

   Since Wikipedia is in blackout today, in protest of online anti-piracy laws, can anyone tell me where the G-Spot is?

   Here's a bit of advice: advi

   The three magic words EVERY woman loves to hear, “You were right.”

   Er, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little bit faster or buy a damn belt.

   Ghetto word of the day: COLOGNE. Usage: "You think you cologne me a dollar or two?"

   Golf is like sex. If you're playing somewhere classy, wash your balls first.

   For 20 yrs Jay-Z referred to other men's daughters as b!tches & hoes then decides his own daughter Princess Baby Jesus is exempt from the game!

   A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.

   Has anyone told you how fuckalicious you look today?