life Funny Status Messages

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day as a toast to the great life I've lived. I finish the bottle for other reasons.

   My parents told me I wasn't a planned child...That explains why my life isn't going according to plan!

   I never thought the thug life would involve so many bills.

   I've been on a million first dates in my life, but there is still no rejection like a toddler refusing to high five you back...

   I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account

   Me: I wish my life were more exciting Alcohol: Have another drink and call your ex

   If you're not having a blast, you're doing life wrong.

   Just watched a guy walk down the street eating a bowl of cereal. That guy has life figured out.

   It's also amazing how someday, someone walks out of your life and you wonder how the hell you lived with them!!

   "Same Sh*t different day" doesn't describe the day. It describes your life.

   my life coach told me to just let the clock run out!

   Sometimes life is cruel and other times you're unconscious.

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   Remember when there was nothing to check and no device to check it on and all you did was live your life?

   One smile, can start a friendship. One word, can end a fight. One look, can save a relationship. One person can change your life.

   I have come to the conclusion that I need more whipped cream in my life.

   Before Facebook I used to have a life. Now I can't even remember the name of my two... no wait, sorry, three kids.

   Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!

   guys, big red flag when a girl only life accomplishment is being a mom.

   Have you tried sitting on the bench? - my life coach