smeebert Funny Status Messages

   Thank you hot syrupy flavor, every morning I wake to savor, I drink you with one eye sleepy that fact I can rhyme this early is kinda creepy

   We should feed tuna fish mayonnaise, thereby saving a step in the sandwich making process

   If I were a midget I would so score candy on Halloween

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   In memory of 9/11 I am teaching my kids the pledge of allegiance like everyone was taught when I was a kid

   my sleep number is 80 proof

   Celebrities of old had talent and class! Why then are the likes of the Kardashians and Hiltons considered celebrities when they have neither?

   Kate plus eight is being cancelled, I think we can all together say eight times....thank God!

   went to a movie tonight with 18 blonds!!! they said because 18 and under was not allowed

   What good is one phone call in jail if they won't let me use my cell to find the number, no one remembers phone numbers these days!

   finally its Jail for Whitey Bulger, brings a new meaning to tighty Whitey

   Terrorists are like salmon, life is good until the seals show up

   Watching this NBA game makes me miss the great Larry Bird days, now its all showboating and apparently there is an "I" in team.

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   You said you would go out with me only if it were our last day on earth... my pickup line tonight

   Met my new gf, a spark came between us…..WOW those taser guns are well worth the money!

   I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.

   I just watched the "Notebook" & "Rudy" ...NO I didn't cry! but I want to go out for an ice cream now

   if I wanted patience I would have been a doctor!