MWC Funny Status Messages

   I've never known you to sweat the petty stuff. Although I have known you to pet sweaty stuff.

   I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...

   Don't have phone sex...or you might get hearing aids

   Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns and says to the other "Dam"

   If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell

   I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

   If it's called Labor Day,why don't we work on labor day and have the rest of the year off?

   Today local police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a tiny little Wiener. I was just checking to make sure that you are okay.

   Thanks arms for being by my side. Thanks legs for all the support. Thanks middle fingers for sticking up for me!

   I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket

   I thought fifty shades of grey was a book about the color on us old people hair

   Non-religious people are idiots

   I've took notice my Wife keeps scribbling in her diary that she thinks I'm to nosey

   Most of the lies I tell aren't even true!

   I've always pictured myself taking selfies.

   Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.

   So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I'm pretty sure it the refrigerator.

   If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?

   The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.

   A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.