M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   Buddy of mine said, “you need to take the bull by the horns”….I told him that he should go first, and after they put the bull down for mauling him, I'd just take him with steak sauce….smarter not harder folks….

   Women are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get...so you should sample them all...maybe eat a few too...

   you ever had that one friend that you don't like to eat with, cause they chew their food like their mad at it?!?

   Thank You Kellogg's® Crunchy Nut™ cereal for the great slogan “It's morning somewhere”…Now, when I have afternoon or evening wood for no apparent reason, I have an answer….

   Ladies...if the wind blows, and you hear a whistle...the 'gap' is no longer sexy, and you might want to consider different pants...

   If reincarnation were real, I'd like to come back as a stomach virus, so I could say that I truly give a sh!t….

   Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….

   I think facebook needs an "I've seen this before, but I still like it" button....

   I'm your friend, and that's why I think I should tell you that your hair, in your new profile pic, says sexual predator all over it…

   Who uses 1800FLOWERS? ....seems like overkill...a card and a dozen would probably work...

   I've been reading some of the Black History Month material, and I can't find Buckwheat being shot anywhere…that's just wrong…

   I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…

   my son just said, "nobody needs a girlfriend till you're married!!"....hmmm...great advice I thought....

   going to call you a half-wit, but I didn't want to tell a half-truth...

   with the current state of relationships these days, I think the Grim Reaper should take Cupid's spot...just seems more realistic to me....

   reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...

   just heard that Obama peeked his head out of the White House and saw his shadow....well, I guess it's six more years of recession...

   does anyone else think that Bert and Ernie weren't so much 'funny ha ha' as they were 'funny...well...you know...

   if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...