JEBI Funny Status Messages

   Sorry sir...but your wife didn't make it.. ) : Was it*sniff*...lack of prayers on facebook? D : Yes sir...i'm afraid it was... ( ._.)

   I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"...

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...

   I've seen enough episodes of "Cops" to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces....

   I haven't been able to stop crying since that stranger on the internet said that they didn't like me...

   Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do...

   1920: "May I have this dance?" 1950: "Want to go to the drive-in?" 1980: "What's your sign?" 2012: "Here's a picture of my p eni$."

   I just tried on a pair of skinny jeans and accidentally got my balls caught in the zipper and now I know the words to every Bruno Mars song....

   If you plant a block of Ramen noodles in the ground and water it with Bud Lite it will grow into a college student named Todd who loves MMA...

   Women are like roads. They will take you to new places, they have beautiful curves, and I'm probably going to drive my car onto one soon.

   Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

   Women: When it comes to doggie style...men are behind you 100%

   Does anyone know how much water I'm supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?

   I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat...

   What's brown and rhymes with snoop?.......................Dr Dre.

   If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

   My better half wants me to go to the store and pick up some spices...I told her"Ain't nobody got no thyme for that"...

   To the douchebag who pushed me out of the way of the baggage carousel, remember what goes around comes around....

   Dad when I grow up I want a twitter account…I’m sorry son you can’t do both…

   Putting Vodka in my juice because it's Russia somewhere...