Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   I almost caused an accident trying to open a piece of candy. Can you imagine dying over a Lemon Starburst? #ultimatefail

   I currently have six quarters jingling in my front left pocket designated as "spares".

   Like if you ever had High School friends hook you up that worked at fast food places.

   Hey FB friend, the only time I've acknowledged you ever was thirty seconds after I accepted your friend request I scanned through your photos with negative results.

   Friendly Advice: If you run out of Chapstick, just use chicken sh!t. It doesn't help your chapped lips, but it keeps you from licking them.

   there anything worse than being in a quiet break-room with someone eating something crunchy?

   Teach me to fish...With the price of fishing licences, it would be cheaper to just buy the little b@stards!

   Signing off, my Wife says I need to finish my bath. Peace out Peeps

   My biggest fear is that FB will rat on on me and post "So&So is listening to Hall and Oats on IHeart Radio".

   Never "hood-slide" like Bo Duke on a hot summer day wearing cut-off jean shorts....

   believes every road in the world is under construction right now!

   Safety glasses? On this jobsite, we squint for safety!!

   there someone making $ off of all this "Liking" on FB?

   Hey Jack In The Crack...I ordered an Ulitimate Burger not an Ultimate Mustard!

   To the guy next to me at the rest-area urinal...The fact that you still have your sunglasses on kinda creeps me out.

   My auto-correct has the education of a free year old.

   Reading the first dozen pages, reminds me of reading something from the 50s...so wholesome.

   She's trained right when you roll up to pump fuel, and she jumps out to clean the windows.

   You can take that thumb, and shove it up your A$$.

   Just ate the last bit of food in my lunch box, this overtime now officially sucks!!!!