FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   I am not joking who ever pissed off mother nature Stop!

   she said she was getting close to 40 and I ask from what side?

   My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited.

   Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.

   you have 1 more see whats left,been damaged, left for dead, returned already what the heck is that? shopping day left!

   i am the guy in the middle in the kmart joe boxer ad!

   this fat free dinner taste like sadness!

   My credit score looks like the speed limit!

   i am going antiquing! at my age that means I am looking for chicks

   if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever

   alone with my thoughts and 8 lbs of reeses cups and kit kats

   today was a female canine kind of a day!

   WHATS THE NAME OF THE SHOW WHERE THEY CATCH CRABS " JERSEY SHORE"

   do the indianapolis colts play at home this week? anybody?

   Thinking about free healthcare and how much it's going to cost me?

   i think this world wide web thing has ran is course!

   Maybe Mother Nature wants to be a dirty girl!

   i have a bad moisture-induced glitter clump problem!

   when did the world give up on Common Courtesy