Cj Funny Status Messages

   Losing friends and alienating people, one day at a time!

   Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove

   Going to Walmart because Target requires a shower.

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture in there.

   Some open minds should be closed for repairs.

   I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning but now how it applies to me.

   Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.

   My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

   Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

   Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.

   Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.

   I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.

   Excuses are like backsides. Everybody's got one and they all stink.

   Today........"WORK" is a 4 letter word!!

   A*s....its the theme of the day! I feel like it, look like it, hopefully don't smell like it and probably am one!

   Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!

   A positive to being overweight: you fill the bathtub up real quick, and save money on your water bill.

   Hey, to any friend that has has ever helped me out THANKS, I'm sure I've told you before but I have just been thinking about all that other have done for me and I really appreciate it !!!! THANK YOU !!!

   A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart.