Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Frogger taught me the importance of looking both ways before hopping across the road.

   The great tragedy of the cactus is that their arms are always open, eagerly anticipating the hug that will never come.

   "He's bleeding out!" The physician yells, "Mr. Kool aid man we need to do a transfusion, what's your blood type?" He replies weakly "O-yeah"

   "You'll see!! THEY'LL ALL SEE!!!!" - an optometrist throwing glasses into the screaming crowd from a parade float

   I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud

   Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.

   Just picked some lettuce out a sandwich and then added a cheese slice. If anyone wants the recipe, let me know.

   Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

   Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious.

   Buy a "World's Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.

   Play Closing Time at my funeral because it's likely I died trying to change the radio station when it came on.

   I use to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

   I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that's for here."

   the ham is melting, the turkey is suspended in midair, the salami is hatching from its own egg. why did we even come to the salvidor deli

   Not only am I a master of suspense but I

   A lost and found but for airplanes.

   Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth

   Everybody in the rap game are either Big or Lil', leaving a ferociously untapped "medium" market.

   Sometimes when I tag someone in a pic I whisper "you're it."

   there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat