Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I've noticed that the most attractive women always drive those cute little cars! Which reminds me...the mother-in-law's Panzer needs an oil change!!

   Gave my boss a mother's day card. Because "he" is one of the top ten mothers on my list.

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.

   Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.

   Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep

   . My mother in-law is drowning, I've informed emergency services. Hope they get my letter in time to save her.

   My mother taught me to never argue with strangers on the Internet. She said I must agree to meet them in real life, and then punch them in the face.

   Two girls talking. 1st girl: I've been ask lots of times to get married. 2nd girl: Was it by the same guy? 1st girl: No, by my mother.

   You know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her

   You'll never be the man your mother is.

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "OK, send me your mother.

   My mother-in-law sent me the link to the site where you can buy a boarding pass to Mars. She even offered to pay for the ticket. That's so sweet of her.

   My mother in law won "best decorated house" yesterday for Halloween?..she was only opening the curtains?

   Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.

   The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.

   ..School has started. I got my life back. What evey mother is thinking.

   Trump condemns Hurricane Harvey for violence and devastation, but insists "Texans have provoked Mother Nature. There's blame on many sides."

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.