Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "No, I'm not talking about Twitter. I literally want you to follow me." - Jesus
←Rate | 02-09-2012 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in business.. I'd like to see the company just reorganize, but we'll see how it goes as the story develops.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 12:58 by snott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Category: Used&Abused for $1200 Alex....Alex Tribec: Another victim of using recycled jokes.. Contestant: Who is CindyAnn?
←Rate | 02-09-2012 12:41 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Do you ever stop and think about the days before Facebook, when you would do something and actually not tell anyone?
←Rate | 02-09-2012 12:31 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 12:17 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon We can only hope that things turn around before there's time to learn any lessons.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How dare you steal my status and not like it first! Stop.............(runs after) thief!!!
←Rate | 02-09-2012 11:00 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 10:12 by Nobody Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say "Checkmate" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 10:11 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a Justin Bieber toothbrush that vibrates. Yeah, I'm pretty sure groupies won't be using it for their teeth.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My math teacher accused me of cheating, I can't help that my english teacher is hotter.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle. He said it was the most violent thing he ever read.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:57 by Nobody Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:56 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I'm about to have a boregasm.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:56 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?" "Sure." "Great! Thanks for participating."
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:55 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I became the employee of the month at Pizza Hut just by flirting. So... You like breadsticks?
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fart, because it's the only gas I can afford.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:15 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon My tip for you working professional's out there- If you job requires you to use a computer, Maybe you should learn the basic functions of a computer- for instance- TURNING THE F&CKING THING ON
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:06 by @torrent329 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentine Day Cancelled!!! ...Mathematical Proof - 14-02-12 = 0
←Rate | 02-09-2012 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentine's day: Dinner for two: $80. Movie: $60. Flowers: $85. Gold Necklace: $250. Hotel room: $150 OR a Prostitute: $100! You decide.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 08:17 Comments (0)  




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