Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My inflate a date wasnt so bad....I didnt have to cuddle.

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   It's Valentine's day. Tell us about how lonely you are, we all care so much!

   I was grateful for the fact that Facebook now groups similar posts (i.e. "10 of your friends posted about Valentine's Day"), so I can just skip past them. Unfortunately, I have friends that can't spell 'Valentine'. LOL

   dont worry if you find yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...thats still 10 months away

   Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.

   looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...

   Got a feeling that somebody is gonna get BANGED more times than a ketchup bottle tonight!!

   very upset!!! I had Lindsey in the Celebrity Death Pool at work.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   I love you in Blue...I love you in Red...But most of all...I love you in....Blue

   Why I walk funny: 10% I'm injured 90% Trying to unstick my balls from my leg.

   My G/F said for Valentine's Day I needed to be more affectionate...so I got 2 Girlfriends! ;)

   Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward

   The Perfect Plan: 1. Shoot boss with arrow. 2. Blame poor AT&T coverage for not calling 9-1-1 in time. 3. Tell police it was Cupid.

   3-way stops make me think that one of the stops doesn't really want to do it, but wants to make the others happy.

   It doesn't matter what your conversation candy hearts say, as long as you remembered to soak them overnight in Rohypnol.

   Hallmark, I'll go 50/50 on this card with you: "Moisten your inbox, baby; this Valentine's coming in hard."

   If we never covered up our genitals, they'd never smell. Happy Valentines Day!