Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3963 of 6446

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that yesterday when I was sitting in the fort I built.

If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I'd quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
←Rate |
02-13-2012 18:29
Comments (0)

The only "B" word you should call a girl is beautiful. B!tches love being called beautiful.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 18:14
Comments (0)

I don't always feel like I'm at the top of the gene pool, but when I do, I'm at Walmart.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 18:09 by Allie B
Comments (0)

I wish all gingers would just dye.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:53
Comments (0)

Amputees may take risks, but they never go out on a limb.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:22 by SEAN
Comments (0)

I didn't think my hangover was that bad until I spent 10 minutes logging into my nephew's Etch-a-sketch
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:19 by SEAN
Comments (0)

Really tired of homeless people tweeting photos of the garbage they're about to eat.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:16 by SEAN
Comments (0)

The most impressive thing about Beyonce and Jay-Z as parents, is how dedicated they are to giving Blue Ivy® a normal life.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:15 by SEAN
Comments (0)

so its valentines day.. does that mean I am suppose to have a heart on?
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:15 by jacksje4
Comments (0)

Just seen on CNN that Godzilla throwed up all over the philippines
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:14
Comments (0)

Adele swept at the Grammys. Not to be confused with Vanilla Ice, who swept after the Grammys because that's his job at the Staples Center.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:14 by SEAN
Comments (0)

It's quite ironic. Whitney used to do commercials for Pepsi, then spend all the money she made on Coke
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:13 by SEAN
Comments (0)

I still can't believe that Whitney Houston died. Where were you on that one, Kevin Costner?
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:08 by Gza
Comments (0)

my phone battery dies faster than a slut in a horror movie
←Rate |
02-13-2012 17:01 by Allie B
Comments (0)

I need some attention today. Can't decide if I should go with the, "why does this always happen to me" status, or a line from an Adele song.

with the mood I'm in, if I tell you "Have a good nights sleep and I hope it's a long one"...you'll know what I mean by it!
←Rate |
02-13-2012 16:44
Comments (0)

What's 6 inches and won't get sucked this Valentines Day? Whitney's crack pipe.
←Rate |
02-13-2012 16:27 by J W
Comments (0)

"Macho Man" Randy Savage died at 58. Whitney Houston at 48. Corey Haim at 38. Heath Ledger at 28. How old is Justin Bieber again?
←Rate |
02-13-2012 16:20 by Gza
Comments (0)

at starbucks in my 'forever lazy' , starting to feel a little self conscious, people in line keep peeking in my ass flap, next time I'm wearing underwear
←Rate |
02-13-2012 16:18
Comments (0)