Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whenever one office door closes, 50 browser windows open

   Congrats Whitney!! 3 days sober!!

   Welp ladies valentines day is over. Time for the men to go back to being a-holes again.

   Get ready for a repeat of Michael Jackson's case ... Investigators are trying to go after the doctors who wrote Whitney Houston's prescriptions....

   Yesterday for valentine's day I got six numbers, one more and I'd have a complete phone number... Maybe next year.

   February 15th. The Black Friday for Chocoholics.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons

   nothing says "I put absolutely no thought into this" than a dozen roses on Valentine's Day.

   My inflate a date wasnt so bad....I didnt have to cuddle.

   I don't know why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day. When I think of romance,the last thing I think of is a short,chubby child coming at me with a weapon.

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   It's Valentine's day. Tell us about how lonely you are, we all care so much!

   I was grateful for the fact that Facebook now groups similar posts (i.e. "10 of your friends posted about Valentine's Day"), so I can just skip past them. Unfortunately, I have friends that can't spell 'Valentine'. LOL

   dont worry if you find yourself alone on Valentines Day...its not the end of the World...thats still 10 months away

   Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.

   looks like it's me and Pamela Handerson again this Valentine's Day...

   Got a feeling that somebody is gonna get BANGED more times than a ketchup bottle tonight!!

   very upset!!! I had Lindsey in the Celebrity Death Pool at work.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   I love you in Blue...I love you in Red...But most of all...I love you in....Blue