Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if aliens ask each other, do you believe in humans?

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb.

   you know your scared when you lose track of a spider and become a victim in your own home...

   Want to learn how to beatbox? Just say "boots and cats" over and over again. MIND = BLOWN

   Alien 1: "Did the humans receive our message?" Aliens 2 : "Yes, but they named it Dubstep and now they dance to it."

   Don't you hate it when a spider bites you, and you get zero superpowers.

   I'm homy... Read that again more closely you pervert!

   I think I'd rather hear gunshots coming from my parents bedroom than hear one more second of Chris Brown tonight.

   Paul McCartney looks like my uncle Fred after a 12 pack.

   Dear eyelashes, wishbones, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles. What happened to my wishes? Sincerely, still waiting.

   TWILIGHT: Happy Bella- •_• Sad Bella- •_• Excited Bella- •_• Angry Bella- •_• Shocked Bella- •_• Confused Bella- •_•

   No matter what they take from me, I'm pretty sure drugs took my dignity...

   The greatest love of all, is the 8ball I've got in me...

   Grammy Math. Lady Gaga + Meth / Rap Music = Niki Minaj. Discuss.

   Without Adele...this would be the worst Grammy's ever lol kinda like the Super Bowl Commercials this year without Clint Eastwood!!

   Sorry about the texts I sent you last night.... My phone was drunk.

   I thought LL in LL Cool J meant :adies Love....it obviously means "Lip Licker" cuz that's all he does after he finishes a sentence!! Gotta love the Grammy's!!

   If I give you a straw, will you go suck the fun outta someone elses life?!

   Mondays are Sundays poop

   Who let Tony Bennett out of the nursing home?