Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guy gets wife roses. She says "I guess this means you want me on my back w my legs in the air?" He says, "Why, we don't have a Vase?

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   Roses are Red,Violets are blue, My knobs in your mouth, best you don't chew

   Romancing myself today =) If I play my cards right, I might even get to sleep with myself. Chances are I wont call me back....

   I'm afraid if we keep calling Jeremy Lin an Underdog, his family will eat him.

   I just told a child that PMS stands for 'Prepare to Meet Satan.'

   roses are red, violets are fine, i'll be the 6 if you be the 9

   First they put safety features on circular saws; next we'll be forced to wear seat belts to run our blenders.

   You don't want to vajazzle after a certain age or it'll look like bacon dangling from a disco ball.

   "okay" = everything's cool. "okay?" you make no sense. "okay..."= you're creepy. "okayy" = I dont care. "k." = don't talk to me any more.

   valentine's day is just another pointless day, why do we celebrate it when its really about st.valentine gettin brutally murdered its abit like easter were the hell do chocolate eggs an rabbits come into things when its about jesus????

   Who Is Paul McCartney? You see kids, before PC's & Auto-tune, there were these mythical creatures who could sing/play/write songs themselves!

   It's safe to assume more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.

   And here's your Valentine's Day forecast: Disappointment with intermittent pockets of candy eating.

   Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman Priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

   hey single people..tomorrow is officially 'rebound day' after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in 'epic fail:

   Nothing beats breaking up with someone on Valentine's Day or their birthday.

   he drew a flower on the ky intense box.....sigh, ...i love him

   Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People

   St. Valentine was actually beaten, stoned, and then eventually beheaded...they don't tell you that on the cards.