Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the status below me is the furthest from funny a status could be. this is not a world topic blog. bring the funny or shut it.

   You sound worse trying to hold a sneeze in and letting out a weak wimper rather than AAAAHHHCHOOOO YEAH!

   Gas is going up even higher and no way Obama will help. Democrats love high gas prices because they blame it on the republicans, and they think people driving less is better for going green.

   Friend request > Poke > Message > Phone Number > Text > Meet > Bang

   I'm also thinking about making a condom made of all bubble wrap...I can go from pop...pop...pop...to poppoppoppop

   How many times was Jonny on the spot before he had the phrase "Jonny on the spot" named after him?

   Going to make some TShirts that say "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointed down at my weiner

   ...went fishing today caught a giant Bass...I got tackled by security, the police was called and I got escorted off the premises..that's the last time I go fishing at Bass Pro Shop!

   I am tormented at night by the idea that everything funny has been said

   Life can take you anywhere. And here we are.

   Yes girl, you are all that AND a bad case of V.D. get over yourself!

   In Asia, they give it up for rent.

   wondering what you would do for a klondike bar?

   Once in a lifetime - a person comes along and changes everything. I am not that person. But I did meet him once and acted awkward when I was around him.

   politicians need those burn-proof suits like NASCAR drivers wear....liar liar pants are on fire

   I find it very ironic that I have to get out of bed on Humpday.

   Ur not a gangster just cuz you spent money gettin sleeved up at the shop homeboy... And neither am I!!!!

   who was the idiot to make umbrellas have metal handles? ..."lets hold this over our heads to keep rain off us & keep us dry but lets put a metal handle on it so we hold metal when we have to keep rain off us during storms"

   A Christian asked me what it's like to be an Athiest. I asked him if he beileved in Islam. He said "no", I said "like that.." :)

   Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say