Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was not picking my nose! I just had a really deep itch

   I wish liquor stores were like my ex girlfriend, open 24/7 and really cheap *rj*

   Rihanna and Chris Brown recorded a duet together......i think its a cover of Britney's, "Hit me baby one more time"

   Facebook would be way cooler if it was on t.v. : "In other news Brian's ex-girlfriend is still a cold, heartless b!tch. Details at 11".

   If you ever had two phone lines in the 90s, one just for the internet, then you might still be addicted to the internet.

   <~~When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home..I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row just to mess with people as they walk in ;)

   Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same damn mistakes.

   We live on a world where smart people are called nerds and social outcast, and stupid people are the cool ones. And they get all the damn hot chicks.

   Goodnight.......I have to get up early to siphon gas from my Mexican neighbors lawnmower just to get to work tomorrow.

   Ryan Braun - way to beat the "guilty until proven innocent" rap!!

   People who take pictures of them with tons of money and post them on Facebook…………. have no money.

   Some things are so awkward to say, but so easy to text message.

   Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.

   Facebook is like school. There's the cool kids, the intellectual rebels, and there's always a rumor going on.

   A relationship isn't determined by how many pictures you post on Facebook.

   Say it to my face, not through your status.

   Reasons why I'm still single: ✔ can't date the internet. ✔ can't date my favorite celebrity. ✔ can't date Facebook. ✔ can't date myself..

   I ate all my girl scout cookies : ( , roughly the weight of two girl scouts.......

   Mitt Romney went after Newt Gingrich during last night's debate. In fact, Romney criticized Gingrich so much, Newt made him an honorary ex-wife.

   If a clown offers you a hamburger, and it's not Ronald McDonald, should you accept it?