Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3918 of 6446

What's the deal with people who hit you up on the chat, then take twenty minutes to type their responses? DELETE.
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02-25-2012 07:34 by Mickey
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Doing my best to, as the kids say: "keep it real." Or some such thing
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02-25-2012 07:07 by flinnie
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Hamburger Helper can only help the hamburger that wants help.
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02-25-2012 07:06 by flinnie
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Can't wait to see "The Lorax"! Finally, a movie answers the age old question: What if Wilford Brimley was orange?
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02-25-2012 07:06 by flinnie
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If I ever go on "Wheel of Fortune," I'm going to buy all the vowels, then give them to poor kids in Africa
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02-25-2012 07:02 by flinnie
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Does anyone have a llama guy? I need a llama. I'll explain later
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02-25-2012 06:22 by flinnie
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If you bite the inside of your mouth by accident, you should be allowed to fire a shotgun at an old bus till you feel better.
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02-25-2012 06:21 by flinnie
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“Fine, sure, go ahead. Weird, but I like it.” (God greenlighting the duck-billed platypus)
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02-25-2012 06:21 by flinnie
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Roundabouts and retarded people are like round holes and square pegs, you can force them together, but it isn't going to be pretty.
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02-25-2012 05:01 by ff1241
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Auto correct is my worst enema.
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02-25-2012 02:33
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Some people are like pennies. Two-Faced And Worthless.
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02-25-2012 02:28
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This is not fair!" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair.
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02-25-2012 02:27
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Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within.
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02-25-2012 02:19
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My girlfriend smokes when we have sex..but we use lube now..
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02-25-2012 02:10
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Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl's stomach full for 9 months
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02-25-2012 00:54 by PAPPI
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Since I cant afford the gas to go on vacation anytime soon, I'm gonna drink until I dont know where I am!
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02-25-2012 00:45 by Reznor
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Don't let the bad weather get you down. It's not the end of the world. That's not for another 10 months.
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02-25-2012 00:38
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"I want you to tongue punch your fart box" ~~ my worst pick-up line ever, probably....
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02-24-2012 23:58 by Slickpony
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When I was in kindergarten my teacher told me to sit indian style. So I bought a bottle of cheap whiskey and laid in the gutter.
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02-24-2012 23:37
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OK, I'm getting out of bed in 10 seconds. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,9,9,9,9,9
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02-24-2012 22:59 by BEGO
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