Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm making a deal with Nicholas Cage that I'll see his movie but only after he really sets his face on fire.

   My dramatic exit was ruined when I forgot my phone.

   Brownies cure frownies, this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA

   You are so ugly...as a kid, pedophiles used to give you candy to get out of the van.

   that girl will take a wiener to the grill like a hot dog stand

   Cashier: Sir, this is the 5th movie ticket you have bought tonight. Customer: Well yeah, the a$$hole at the entrance keeps ripping it.

   It takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 to frown and 0 to not give a damn.

   The worst part about eating with vegetarians is everything.

   1990's - Last Generation With Common Sense.

   Sometimes, karma is just too busy with other injustices in the world and that's where revenge comes in.

   I predict you'll be seeing a lot more people using pogo sticks, thanks to these gas prices

   People throw around the word "hero" too much. Use it for what it's for: a millionaire actor playing a disabled person.

   Mondays are like sandpaper for the soul.

   As soon as women see me, they want to get in shape to impress me. So they start running.

   It's really sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

   Ron Paul 2012..do your research, don't trust the mainstream media, the other 3 flip-flopping candidates are liars and backed by banks..the same banks the back Obama and got your bailout dollars! Ron Raul is backed by our military! ..Ron Paul 2012!!

   painted my trash cans to look like minature buildings so if my neighbors do the same our street will look like a tiny city on trash day

   my kid jus got a bag of m&m's and some were naked. Thats obsene, I'm writing the company

   The longer you stare at the phone before picking the call...The bigger is the lie you tell after picking it up...

   feeling very hot and sweaty right now. Who wants to become my fan?