Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   RIP to the millions of people who die every day and don't get recognized

   There's going to be a huge line outside of Whitney Houston's funeral next week. Which, coincidentally, is what killed her.

   trying to find a radio station that isn't milking the Whitney Houston death-machine.

   Already heard that Whitney is dead.. apparently 47 seconds before my friends with 3G service...

   IN OTHER NEWS: A picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone next to each other in the hospital bed, side by side for shoulder surgeries, was taken this week. Can you imagine listening and trying to understand that conversation?

   DIDNT WE ALMOST SNORT IT ALL.....

   My 10-top All-star Celebrities on Drugs list is Ruined!!! Anybody wanna trade Drew Barrymore??

   thinks animal testing is a terrible idea; what if they get all nervous and give the wrong answers?

   And now stepping into the on- deck cirle, Lindsay Lohan.

   don't put words in my mouth...my foot is already in there.

   hard to believe that whitney houston died... well maybe not

   Just heard the news Bobby Brown is still alive

   What's the over under on how many times the Bodyguard is on the next few weeks??

   Cant Stop Crying :( Maybe I should get away from these onions.

   kevin costner dropped the ball this time

   If you don't use 1:11, 2:22 or 3:33 when starting the microwave you have yet to unlock my level of laziness.

   Star Wars Episode 1: Phantom Menace is now in 3D. Really? The only thing worse than watching crap is having it flung towards your face.

   Celebrity drug dealers are having the worst fiscal year...They're gonna need a government bailout..

   Take it Kevin Costner's been fired then...

   gues she finally exhaled