LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   It was so cold this morning she actually saw a solicitor with his hands in his own pockets!

   ..time is precious so be careful who you waste it on.

   very temperamental - 50% temper and 50% mental.

   ..wonders why is there a man in the bottom corner of her TV playing charades?

   The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I.

   ..is wearing an Arnold Schwartzenegger costume for Halloween..and with a mouthful of candy,she will sound just like him!

   ..bets living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

   Woke up this morning, looked down and one of my toes was missing, There was a note stuck to my foot that said 'Gone To Market'

   not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am...

   If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

   If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

   knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.

   ..hates her internal clock. It doesn't have a snooze button and it hurts to throw herself across the room..

   I brush after every meal.And the Dentist says my hair looks lovely.

   how come no matter how prepared you are for your toast popping up you still get a shock?

   I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.

   I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday

   .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.

   Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?"