Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times you must have b00bies

   I don't know what "Swagger" is but I know Justin Bieber and lil wayne both claim to have it so I'm assuming it's not talent.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times and you are President Obama.

   When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.

   Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice........ Well, that was a bunch of BS!

   I wonder what would Meat Loaf do for a Klondike Bar?

   happy birthday to all those born today in 1928...celebrating their 21st birthday

   Today is worse than the day my brothers broke my nose with their stupid football. RIP Davy- Marsha B

   I've done more today than I've done in 4 years.

   Why take Davy Jones?? Peter Tork would have been a much better Monkee choice.

   Sweet, it's snowing again. I can hardly wait to read 500 status updates on my news feed about it

   For a day that doesn't exist, I sure got a lot done.

   Well, just got home from work.....it seems davey jones died....at first I didn't believe it....but then I saw his face, and now I'm a believer. O_o

   Since it's a Leap Day and also a Hump Day.....I wish Obama would take a flying Leap up a camels ass so far he hit's the Hump!

   Boobs are to men what Fisher-Price stacking rings are to babies. They feel good, are fun to play with, and always wind up in the mouth.

   I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".

   so much for MONKEEing around ,R.I.P. Davey Jones. Cheer up Sleepy Jean. He took the last train to Clarksville ......and now I'm a bereaver

   If you wouldn't make her your wife.. Don't make her a mother!

   I wld rather staple my eyelids to my a☆☆hole...than have to listen to you talk about your bullsh☆t problems! ツ