Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The most significant change brought about in the 2ist century is the decline of photographers and photography studios. They've both been replaced.... By camera phones and bathrooms.

   Fun fact: If you say 'Bloody Maury' into the mirror three times, you WILL be the father

   Petrol prices are about $2 a litre and Ladies still think guys are coming over to just "CHILL"...

   I bet when Snooki's water breaks, it's gonna smell like someone smashed a bottle of Axe Body Spray on the ground.

   May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.

   I'm hungry. Fridge: I don't give a s#it. Cabinet: Bi$ch, don't look at me. Freezer: LOL. You like ice?

   Surprise sex is the best sex. Unless you're in prison.

   I'm going to change my name to 'Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say "You are now friends with benefits."

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye. I don't know what that means, but think about it.

   what starts with F and ends with UCK? Yes you're right, it's FIRETRUCK :)

   Forty percent of sports fans leave games with alcohol in their blood, according to the dumbest study ever conducted.

   my Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   I'm never buying video games from Mexican websites again. Super Mario Van Peebles is the worst game I've ever played.

   I guess if you spoke your mind you wouldn't have much to say....

   I leave homework till the last minute, because I'll be older and therefore wiser!

   Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.

   ♫So I'm shaving all my love.....Yeah I'm shaving all my lovin'...Yes I'm shaving all my love for you ♫

   depending on which clock I look at in my house, i'm either really early, or really late...

   There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.

   You know you're an ugly chick when you slip Rohypnol in your own drink and hope for the best.