Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   May you have the luck of the Irish and starve today because you can't find potatoes!

   Party Rule No.1: Always make the party worth the hangover.

   Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and bad decisions.

   hunting out dwarfs to dress up as leprechauns..

   When is it a good time to mention that St. Patrick was born in Britain and kidnapped by Irish raiders and taken captive to Ireland as a slave? Not today then?

   According to Dr.Oz, EVERYTHING is unhealthy to eat,drink, breathe and so on!

   What does a burnt pizza, frozen beer, and pregnant girl have in common? In each situation there was an idiot who didn't take it out in time.

   Most woman's G-Spots are located about two inches inside your wallet.

   if I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was right, I could get it changed into pennies & swim around in it like Scrooge McDuck

   By the end of the night...what can you say?......Happy Paint Satricks Day...Ossifer!

   Hired a midget to dress in green and sit on my keg, aint America great?

   went to the track today..I never knew only mexicans can sweep up losing tickets...hmmmmm

   cant decide whether midgets look at St Patricks day as a "payday" or a "dammit! I have to hide in my little house" kinda day.

   After all the upsets today. Cathy from the mailroom is gonna win a $hitload of money off her "Bracket thingy" this year..

   Think maybe its time to diet, I just had to cut my hula hoop off

   The best thing about Facebook is that someone can disappear as quickly as they appeared!

   used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented.

   doc says i'm low on iron. yet, i'm feeling tired beyond my wildest dream... kind of ironic, no?

   it's officially ok to fkk in the car cause it's March Madness, it's a holiday

   anyone else think Lucky Charms is just Cheerios with marshmallows?