Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A mom getting a minivan is like losing one's virginity. It hurts at first, but think of all the stuff they can fit in afterwards.

   During the quarantine we got a better chance of seeing Bigfoot than Howie Mandel

   Can You Still Get Like Regular Sick Or Is Everything Corona?

   How TF Nieman Marcus filed for chpt11 bankruptcy when one of their clothes rack can pay for all of our student loans?

   $1.4Bil stimulus sent to people who have died when there are folks still waiting for their 1st check? who cashing em?

   Her: Men just want one thing and its disgusting. me- Then you need to wash it!

   Thxs for all the b-day wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex, 1dollar Cashapp, bitcoins n Zelle

   "Name 1 thing you want to try in the bedroom" Her: "Getting a full 8hrs of sleep"

   Would taping or gluing my mustache and beard together meet mask requirements?

   SPONSORED POST: Tide Pods. Remember when we seemed like a big problem?

   Raisins are the Cougar of Grapes

   It's a tough job being the family disappointment but I put in lots of overtime

   If you don't like wearing a face mask the next time you go in for surgery don't forget to tell your surgeon to take off their mask as it won't protect them.

   The Illuminati have planted facial recognition cameras everywhere and the only way to stop them from tracking your every movment is by wearing a mask over your face. Tell everyone!!

   I bet Pavlov felt like feeding the dogs every time a bell rang

   Stuff your mask with M&Ms so you can eat them all day long like a horse

   Revenge is a dish best served eventually

   Just watching the news who said "The coronavirus is affecting the most dense populated aria's" but think they meant to say "densely" but maybe not.

   For some reason I have a feeling that I might have told you this joke about Deju Vu before.

   Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.