Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 384 of 6383
Let me get this straight. I should wear a mask, gloves, sunglasses and a hat. That sounds more like a disguise to me
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07-03-2020 15:40 by Lonnie
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Judge: "how do you plead?" Me: "your honor I plead oopsie daisies."
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07-03-2020 11:50 by JCGJ
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If someone has "some colledge" listed on their education history, the fact that they misspelled "college" is a pretty good indication that "some 3rd grade" is probably a more accurate assessment.
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07-03-2020 11:32 by Fazzy
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Ask any Biden voter exactly why they're voting for him, on what merits, and ask them do it without bringing up Donald Trump. They can't
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07-03-2020 10:54 by MigdaGwig
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I can't really Walk the Walk or Talk the Talk, but if you need someone to Drink the Drink then I'm your guy.
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07-03-2020 09:34
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I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.
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07-03-2020 07:34 by moon
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Dogs are like unruly kids. The people who live with them love 'em. But they annoy the heII out of the rest of us.
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07-02-2020 12:19 by MigdaGwig
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t's been 11 years since Michael Jackson died. I'm surprised we aren't seeing Jacko impersonators like we see Elvis impersonators.
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07-02-2020 08:05
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Did you realize that "Go hang a salami. I'm a lasagna hog" is a palindrome?
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07-02-2020 08:03
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When I order something online I always put "Cross moat, Slay dragon, Leave item on back porch." in the "Delivery Notes" box.
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07-02-2020 07:59
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You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as "suspicious activity."
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07-02-2020 07:50
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When I Went To The Market I Saw A Lady Carrying A Baby Up Side Down
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07-02-2020 07:38 by Lucia
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I Have A Friend Name Nelson And His Nails Are Nasty
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07-02-2020 07:30 by Lucia
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I Have A Cat Name Milk And He Eats Milk
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07-02-2020 07:15 by Lucia
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I tried coke for the first time last night and never again! From now on, I’ll just stick to Pepsi.
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07-02-2020 03:37
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Now that Elmer has been disarmed, prepare for a huge population boom of cartoon rabbits ..
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07-01-2020 23:22
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The way we're losing the Coronavirus surprised Mexico hasn't paid to finish the wall yet.
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07-01-2020 23:11
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If I had a dollar for eveytime I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream
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07-01-2020 11:12 by Fluff!!
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My 4th of July plans are all set as I'll be celebrating my independence from the Coronavirus by staying home!
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07-01-2020 11:09
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Coronavirus - explained in dancing. You and nine friends are dancing together. One friend is dancing while sprinkling glitter. How many friends leave the dance party wearing glitter?
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07-01-2020 08:38
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